It wasn't magical; it's just that I've got an ugly sister.". If I let go, she shops . I don't feel anything until noon. Originally Published . Found inside – Page 322Are you married ? SALESMAN : No. GEORGE : Let me tell you about twin beds . ... He quotes Nietzche : “ The big crises in our lives do not come with the ... They say marriages are made in Heaven. George Carlin. Acting is all about honesty. Ellie Taylor (1983 - ) Back to image. John Lyly. See Brad and Angelina's Child Through the Years, Twins! Showing search results for "George Burns On Marriage" sorted by relevance. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. So, whether you're in a comfortable marriage and have run out of original thoughts, or are spending your first Valentine's together with a partner and don't want to risk writing the wrong thing, it can be helpful to look towards writers and humorists for inspiration. Broken marriage, to save or not to save? - Barnett R. Brickner. Neighbor Blanche Morton frequently joined Gracie in escapades which annoy hubby Harry and provides George with an opportunity to offer a humorous soliloquy. Found inside – Page 325There are several quotations from Burns and Allen radio scripts which may appear to the reader to be actual quotes from Gracie Allen . And blessing, you see, I think is undermining our sacrament of marriage. " ~~ George Burns This biography of George Burns provides detailed information about his childhood, life, achievements, works & timeline. Actors George Burns and Gracie Allen met in 1922 while they were both touring on the Vaudeville circuit. "I love the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach. Love is the greatest challenge for all of us. Marriage Earth Heaven. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth. 26 Clever Wedding Jokes and Quotes Perfect for Any Speech. George Burns quotes - handpicked collection from Quote Coyote, the ultimate source for funny, inspiring quotes, and quotes about life, love and more. Found inside – Page 96... marriage & guarantee he'd be dead within a year. –Bette Davis I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at something I hate. –George Burns I'd rather be out in the cold, on a leafless tree, than a prisoner be, ... Marriage Money. Friedrich Nietzsche. Marriages Quotes - BrainyQuote. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale." —Hussein Nishah "I love being . So begins Wit, a collection of hilarious quotes from the famous and infamous by author Des MacHale. Quotes About Aging. “She makes sense in an illogical sort of way. If you can fake that you've got it made. Don't stay in bed unless you make money in bed. From Lemony Snicket to Jerry Seinfeld, peruse these romantic and funny Valentine's Day quotes to use, or copy-and0-paste . “Parties, pony rides, a typical old-style Hollywood lifestyle.”. Found inside – Page 127Marriage should be celebrated as the optimistic and glorious thing that it is. ... —George Burns, 1990 ... —Sam Levenson12 10This is a twist of the European proverb “Marriages are made in heaven”, which may be traced back to at least a ... The cover art, titled Celestial Eyes, was commissioned from Francis Cugat, who completed it before the novel was finished. The huge eyes gazing down on the blazing city so moved Fitzgerald that he wrote them into the story. Join legendary Hollywood scribe Boze Hadleigh in this journey back in time as he examines what it was like to be gay in Hollywood during Tinseltown’s heyday, as well as how things have changed and what the future of gay Hollywood looks ... 6367 matching entries found. George Burns — American Comedian born on January 20, 1896, died on March 09, 1996. If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Burns made his film debut in the comedy short film "Lambchops" (1929), which was distributed by Vitaphone. series of comedy movies and doing a solo nightclub act, until his death at 100 in 1996. “He needed the adrenaline and love of an audience,” says Tom. Presenting some famous quotable quotes and sayings by George Burns on funny, honesty, past, driving, fake, stress, believe, sex, lose, die, flowers, retirement, ridiculous and more. ― James May. 1. Communication Individuals People Speech Thinking On wife Gracie Allen. It doesn't show up on X-Rays but you know it's there." -George Burns, comedian, actor, and writer. iWise has the most comprehensive repository of George Burns Marriage quotes online. A collection of quotes and thoughts by George Burns on cigar, one-liner, marriage, happiness, success, failure, women, love, future, life, beginning and smoke. George Burns. #Funny #Running #Children. George Burns Quotes - BrainyQuote American - Comedian January 20, 1896 - March 9, 1996 You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. Nice to be here? ~ Anonymous. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.". I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate. To make an impression include both romantic and funny quotes about marriage. “After she was gone, he started sleeping on her side of the bed, because it made him feel closer to her.”, Still, George continued to work steadily, winning an Oscar for 1975’s The Sunshine Boys, starring in the Oh, God! He's too fine, too decent, too old. That was the beginning of Burns and Allen.”, On the surface, Gracie’s character seemed to be a dumbbell, but “Gracie isn’t really crazy,” the actress explained. - Tom Stoppard. Share these quotes to finally prove you're the funny one in the family. “And Gracie was remarkably tolerant of that.”, That may have been because George gave Gracie something she desperately needed. George Burns (born Nathan Birnbaum; January 20, 1896 - March 9, 1996) was an American comedian, actor, singer, and writer.He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film, and television.His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke punctuation became familiar trademarks for over three-quarters of a century. All Rights Reserved, She Loves Lucy (and Desi, Too): Lucie Arnaz Reflects on Her Parents’ Love Story and Protecting Their Legacy, crazy,” the actress explained. “She makes sense in an illogical sort of way. ~ George Eliot . RELATED: 31 Best Funny Love Quotes From Comedians That Describe Your Crazy Relationship. Originally Published: May 25, 2017. 1. What is marriage. George Burns — American Comedian born on January 20, 1896, died on March 09, 1996. -- George Burns. I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. George Burns. Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that . I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. Found inside – Page 103PERSONAL QUOTES: “I think doing comedy is more difficult ... than doing non-comedic or tragic or whatever you want to ... Actor (1978), The Making of 'Casey's Shadow' (1978) , The George Burns Special (1976), The Bad News Bears (1976), ... Gathers humorous quotations, from television series, dealing with aging, ambition, baldness, dating, doctors, food, lawyers, life, marriage, pride, sleep, success, and work RELATED: Top 100 Life Quotes | Short Quotes On Life With Deep Meaning. George Burns was a versatile entertainer who enjoyed a successful career spanning vaudeville, film, radio and television. By the time they brought their act to TV in 1950, the two were a huge hit. Ed O'Neill. iWise has the most comprehensive repository of George Burns Marriage quotes online. 1. "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." -The Beatles, "The End". I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. Found inside – Page 8Public Speaking Humor, Quotes and Illustrations E. Gene Davis ... After marriage: “ Why can't he ask for directions? ... George Burns There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is, I'll get married ... Are money matters uppermost in your mind? Perhaps you're experiencing travel troubles, or technology is about to drive you over the edge. Just open this book to your stress of the moment, and let laughter ease your tension. His matinee-idol looks helped bring a younger audience to the show, but Gracie suffered from a series of health problems and decided to retire in 1958. “She got progressively less interest- ed in performing, especially after she had numerous heart attacks of varying intensity,” says Tom. Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. Famous cigar smokers have been peppering world history for hundreds of years. A great memorable quote from the The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show movie on Quotes.net - George Burns: People are always asking, "What's the right age for marriage?" That's like asking, "What's the right age for appendicitis?" When it hits you, it hits you. Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet. Friendship Love Marriage. Running, Wife, "Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.". Found inside – Page 9a man who grew up in the Shakira : “ If a marriage ' fifties to handle that . ... George Burns : “ No , I don't think life begins at 40 , just as I don't ... Found insideOlan Hicks, What the Bible Says About Marriage, Divorce, & Remarriage (Search, AR: Gospel Enterprises, 1987), 241. ... George Burns, “Quotations by Author: George Burns: The Future,” Quoteland, http://www.quoteland.com/author ... Franklin P. Jones. Found inside – Page 121Into a land of harems, a- land of polygamy, a land where women are married without ever being seen, he introduced the ... A writer who was guilty of such improprieties had little right to blame the poet2 who made Hector quote Aristotle. Found inside – Page 499 Marriage is grounds for divorce . ANONYMOUS 66 Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse . ARTHUR “ BUGS ” BAER 99 If you were married to Marilyn Monroe you'd cheat with some ugly girl . George Burns What men call gallantry ... Found inside – Page 209... Engaged To Be Married - 74 ETERNITY Just A Minute - 99 Thinking About The Hereafter - 96 EXCUSE Good Excuse For Speeding - 142 He Had A Good Excuse - 144 EXERCISE A Surprised Reaction - 174 Following Instructions - 1 73 George Burns ... We knew it was a good marriage because we never read anything bad about it in the papers.”, In fact, their union was a bit more complicated than that. Marriage can be long and extremely challenging, but it is also rewarding. Found inside – Page 2I did have a talent—and I was married to her for 38 years. —George Burns, oft-repeated line about his wife, Gracie Allen Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. Found inside – Page 118... I've gathered some quotes on family from a few of my favorite theologians. I found them online so I know they are legit, because everything you read on the Internet is true. The first is by theologian George Burns: “Happiness is ... . Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist. ~ Sex and the City. Funny Money Quotes About Woman, Marriage, and Sex. Evelyn Hendrickson. When I was a kid there was so little of it. 8. 4. Wisconsin politician, professor & writer. Marriage is a mistake every man should make. I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. If I let go, she shops." Henry Youngman It takes only one drink to get me drunk. So he and Gracie gave Ronnie and Sandy “a pretty charmed life,” said Janice Burns, who was wed to Ronnie until his 2007 death. 6367 matching entries found. . Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. "We always hold hands. ENJOY THE MOST HILARIOUS QUOTES OF ALL TIME Presenting the best of the best from AllGreatQuotes.com, this uproarious volume features gems on every topic, from sex and money to spouses and politics. If you are looking for some hilarious marriage quotes to add fun element to your wedding, then this post is for you. Marriage Quotes. If someone talks about union, fidelity, a monogamous relationship, love, blessing; I would say it sounds like marriage to me. (1896 - 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer. Found inside – Page 92... in the case of George Burns and Gracie Allen , acknowledging a “ mixed ” marriage . ... He quotes Robert Alter , who wrote frequently on Jewish identity ... . ~ George Burns. In this book the reader will read about many quirky sayings ranging from the saliva test and knee jerk reaction. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. Utilize our cutting edge search engine to make George Burns Age and Aging quotes and wisdom easily discoverable.-Page : 1 Found inside – Page 8The aging man was being congratulated on his recent marriage. His friends asked him if he married her ... George Burns advised that it is easy to live to be 100. ... "Steven Wright Quotes," Zargon's Web, Internet 7. AGING — SPORTS 7. "My husband will never chase another woman. 0. Found inside – Page 16The Best Quotes about Marriage Bruce Lansky. The wedding is a beautiful thing . ... -George Burns Some wives can cook , but don't . My wife | 16 | WEDDINGS. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. But Bob may be the king of them all, you know. "Love is a . 1. “The first night we had 40 people out front and they didn’t laugh at one of my jokes, but every time Gracie asked me a question, they fell out of their seats. Uniting with the one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, is like a dream come true. Always Look Forward "Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life."—George Burns . Take a Tour Inside, Dedicated Mom Jennifer Garner’s Rare Public Appearances With Her 3 Kids, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt Is 15! George Burns, David Fisher (1990). ― Neil Kurshan. Take a time-out for some romantic insight with these funny marriage quotes by men . Take These Jokes, Please! includes the jokes of the greatest of the greats, including comics who Mel knew personally, including entertainers like Milton Berle, Red Buttons and Joan Rivers. The 1,443 entries from 561 sources on 190 subjects in this book will help do just that. "My wedding was like a fairy tale. Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." 2. Related Reading: 100+ Funny Wedding Wishes, Messages and Quotes Good marriage wedding quotes. But Bob may be the king of them all, you know. (George Burns) I bought my wife a new car. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." ~ George Burns "Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair." ~ George Burns Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. Anonymous Marriage . So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage. The film simply recorded one of Burns and Allen's comedy routines from vaudeville. " After I left here on Saturday, I decided never to see you again." He was sliding the frittata under the broiler, so she could only see his profile, but damn if he didnt appear to be smirking. Born On: January 20 , 1896 #Inspirational #Cute #Positive. His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke . Cigar-puffing comedian George Burns was full of zingers about life, including this funny love quote. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow . 10. iWise brings you popular George Burns Marriage quotes. "Happiness is to hold flowers in both hands." [said when George Burns was only 64. His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke punctuation became familiar . Then it dawned on me: they're cramming for their final exam. Includes eight-page photo insert. Found inside – Page 203More bad news for Crawford: Her marriage to actor Franchot Tone was ending; the two divorced while Ice Follies of 1939 was in theaters. 67. ... George Burns interview with author, September 29, 1992, for Flint (Mich.) ... 100 funny jokes and quotes about love, sex and marriage Previous slide Next slide 15 of 102 View All Skip Ad. (1946 - ) American actor. What is marriage, is marriage protection or religion, is marriage renunciation or abundance, is marriage a stepping-stone or an end. Aug 14, 2014 - Marriage is not the end of love, as some might say. He still ends up with the same boss. Divided into such topics as the wedding ("I Do"), newlyweds ("I Did"), and kids ("Married with Children"), and wittily illustrated by Martha Gradisher, Take My Wife . . . makes the perfect shower gift or anniversary offering? I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. What was I thinking when I said "I do"? 9. I can't understand why I flunked American history. George Burns: "Do you like to love?" Gracie Allen: "No." Burns: "Like to kiss?" It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job. 100 funny jokes and quotes about love, sex and marriage. George Burns Quotes On Marriage. "Love is a lot like a backache. Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Found inside – Page 75... words such as tuchus or kishkas or, in the case of George Burns and Gracie Allen, acknowledging a “mixed” marriage. ... He quotes Robert Alter, who wrote frequently on Jewish identity, as saying that it was significant during this ... George Burns was great at thinking, you know, on the spot. ღ He's too fine, too decent, too old.". : The Story of Burns & Allen (1986) by Cheryl Blythe and Susan Sackett, p. 18. Stay up and fight. You can't control love, you don't even choose it. The love for tobacco many seminal figures have shared throughout the annals of history is purely evident. Plus, just as Burns did, Fagen peppers the years with the comedian's funniest and most touching quotes and quips. I want all of you, forever, everyday. " —Elizabeth Evans "All my friends are getting married. —George Burns "I love you more than coffee, but please don't make me prove it. Funny Quotes About Marriage "Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband." - Unknown "Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters degree." - Unknown "Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." - Mae West "Happy wife, happy life." Everything that goes up must come down. For more on your favorite celebs, pick up the latest issue of Closer Weekly, on newsstands now — and be sure to sign up for our newsletter for more exclusive news! Iconic photos of Winston Churchill, Ulysses S. Grant, Babe Ruth, George Burns and Groucho Marx are synonymous with cigar smoking. “George provided her with the kind of security she craved, and that’s why their marriage lasted through his several infidelities.”, George gifted Gracie with something else of great value: the spotlight. He was especially known as part of a popular comedy team with his wife, Gracie Allen, and enjoyed renewed popularity in his 80s. It stars George Burns and Gracie Allen, one of the most enduring acts in entertainment history. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. A broken marriage is not something that one wishes for but sometimes it is better that way for the good of everybody. See Jennifer Garner's Mini-Me Daughter Violet Through the Years, Why James Brolin Says He's 'Fallen' More 'in Love' With Barbra Streisand, How Brett Butler Is Getting Back on Her Feet After Losing Everything, Why Michelle Phillips Never Expected to Be Famous, John Travolta Is ‘Super Focused’ On Parenting After Kelly Preston’s Death, Barry Williams Reveals If His Kids Are Following in His Footsteps, How the Queen Elizabeth Hopes to Heal Family Rift During Balmoral Trip, Inside Late Icon Burt Reynolds’ Life-Long Search for Fame and ‘Respect', Inside Actress Barbara Eden’s Successful Diet and Fitness Routine at 90, How Barbara Eden Maintains Her ‘Happy’ 30-Year Marriage With Jon Eicholtz, Inside Tony Bennett's Battle With Alzheimer's Disease. It really depends on one's situation. "We didn't do anything," George explained. What did George Burns and Gracie Allen do to make their marriage work? The post 60 Funny Family Quotes That'll Make You Chuckle appeared first on Reader's Digest. Acting is all about honesty. (68) "Our children are our only hope for the future, but we are their only hope for their present and their future.". Aug 14, 2014 - Marriage is not the end of love, as some might say. Utilize our cutting edge search engine to make George Burns Marriage quotes and wisdom easily discoverable.-Page : 1 “The trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. Get inspired with Wedding & Marriage love quotes to use on invitations, cards, speeches, toasts or wishes on the special day. I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate. "My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way." Henry Youngman. but you know it's there." —George Burns. I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet. A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet. A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. —George Burns (comedian) "The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.9% of them are made by people who are still alive." —Joshua Burns "All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage." —Lord Byron (poet) "I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize that I'm listening to it." —George . -George Burns. George Burns, American comedian who was known for his dry humor, gravelly voice, and ever-present cigar and was popular for more than 70 years in vaudeville, radio, film, and television. In 1975, a sudden career revival took place for him when he appeared as an active comedy elder statesman in ‘The Sunshine Boys’ at the age of 79. Wedding speeches need to be amusing. ~ George Burns "Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." ~ Phyllis Diller We'll give you details on who said it, when they said it, and in some cases, why on earth they thought it was okay to say it. George Burns Stay In Bed Healthy Aging I Am Scared Getting Old Grief Sick Life Quotes Inspirational Quotes. iWise brings you popular George Burns Marriage quotes. - George Burns. They make a business out of it. Steve Allen was marvelous, and so was George Burns. -- Red Skelton. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. Whoever thinks marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't know the half of it. Here are the 100 best funny love quotes from comedians that perfectly nail the hilarious side of relationships. Women marry men hoping they will change. "A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." Anonymous. Quotes About Marriage. Happiness? George Burns, born Nathan Birnbaum, was an American comedian, actor, and writer. Should you really try to save or not save your marriage? She’s off-center. "Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn't show up on X-Rays, but you know it's there." George Burns. I guess I'm just at that age where people give up." —Amy Schumer "You can't put a price tag on love. George Burns, as quoted in Say Good Night, Gracie! Ronnie became an actor and played himself on The Burns and Allen Show after it moved to TV in the 1950s. I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. Mariah Carey: "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. Read more stories from the Golden Age of Radio. The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show: With George Burns, Gracie Allen, Bea Benaderet, Harry von Zell. Quotes about Allen. Here are more than 800 quotes on the everlasting battle between and about the sexes. “Gracie was supposed to be the straight woman,” George said. That is often the question most people ask nowadays whose marriage is on the rocks. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. You don't grow old; when you cease to grow, you are old. Check out these funny love quotes that all couples can relate to. They are the most important thing in life.". Tragically, Gracie died of a heart attack at 69 in 1964. “George was absolutely devastated — I don’t think he ever recovered,” Fontana says. "Never sacrifice your family. Found inside – Page 20PAUL BUNYAN to MELVILLE SHAVELSON: "So, I finally told the complaining Mr. Hamilton — 'George, I'm a big man. ... GEORGE. BURNS. to. SONNY. JAMES: "Cigars and good whiskey keep me young. Love knocked off a few years as well.